Already got asked if we're dating
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
