This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
