Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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