New invention idea: vibrating tampons
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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