i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
