i jhust puked up my retainher.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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