my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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