but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
