Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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