the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
