dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
