I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
