I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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