I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize