Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
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