i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
