Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
