don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
