Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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