I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
