its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
