I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
