If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Randomize
