hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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