I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
