she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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