Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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