We won't sleep together?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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