Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
