You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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