His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
