I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
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i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
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We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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