we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
