I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
