You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I need moral support for this bender
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize
