there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
