i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
