If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
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