I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
