When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
