Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
the room spins SO much faster in panama
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
