So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
