i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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