I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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