Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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