What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Randomize
