people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
