the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
