i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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