If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
