Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize