why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
