Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I think I am morally bankrupt
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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