this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Randomize
