I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
