Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
