In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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