god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
