you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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