dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
