I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
