tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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