I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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