So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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