he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
