im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
