My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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