This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
