i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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