She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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