Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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