I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I'm jealous of your bromance
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
