tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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