I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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