I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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