I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
