bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
