I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
