the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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