i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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