Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
