I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize