I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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