so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
