sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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