im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
