rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
