There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
well you can't waste a boner
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
