Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
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