Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
