I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
