We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
