Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
